Love will find the way.

He was also struggling with what to do about Astrid. He said, ‘I haven’t seen her since the day we arrived. I’ve thought of going to see her but I would be so awkward—and probably the others would come as well and it would be even worse. I won’t write any more about it cause it’s not much fun.’ It was typical of him to appear to dismiss something so distressing with a phrase like ‘it’s not much fun’. He found it so hard to talk about, or show, his true feelings. Later he talked to me sometimes about Stuart and about the awful sense of loss and guilt he felt. He agonised over why he had lived and Stuart had died, and whether there was anything he could have done. But these glimpses of his real feelings were rare. Most of the time he kept it all deep inside himself. In that letter he also told me that he had lost his voice — perhaps a symptom of unexpressed grief.